We here at Move have been rocked by the recent tragedy in Connecticut and have, like so many others, struggled with what to say. Our friend Nadia Wit wrote a beautiful and painful essay addressing the situation from her personal experience, so on her behalf, we’d like to share it with you:
“I was nervous to share my opinions about the recent event, but my amazing and beautiful mom gave me her blessing to write the following and I am not going to sugar coat it.
When a mentally disturbed man walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School and fired his automatic weapon at least 100 times, Charlotte, Daniel, Rachel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Dawn, Madeleine, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Anne, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Lauren, Mary, Victoria, Ben and Allison were shot and killed.
Their spirits were unique; some combination of sweet, sassy, cuddly, passionate, strong, feisty, powerful, intelligent, silly, heroic and good.
Their innocent blood drained from their bodies and their spirits flew away. Their spirits were unique; some combination of sweet, sassy, cuddly, passionate, strong, feisty, powerful, intelligent, silly, heroic and good. Only their parents, sisters, brothers, grandparents, teachers, administrators, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins and all who knew them could and will talk about how they were all those things.
The holiday season is a terrible time to lose a child. I know. My sister died on Christmas morning. The presents were already bought for her but she never got to open them. I remember she got a She-ra, Princess of Power doll. She liked She-ra because I liked She-ra. Every Christmas since 1986, as soon as the first holiday decorations go up, I wish she was here. To the families of all who were killed in the most disgusting vile way one could ever imagine, I feel your pain not only for today, I feel your pain for the years ahead.
For the siblings, you are now the adults of your family. Your parents are going to grieve so hard and so much and hug you so tight it’s going to hurt, but you are going to hug them back even tighter. You are going to somehow know what to say to them at the right time when they need it most. You are going to be their rock. You will want to make your parents proud because you will want to make them happy. This might lead to a need to make others happy. You will want help everyone. You must help yourself first. Take care of yourself first. Sing, play sports, watch funny television shows, do a cartwheel, read funny books, write, hang out with your friends and ask for help. Please, ask for help.
For the parents, it’s no use hiding your emotions from your children. They know you are sad. If your child is acting irritated or annoyed, be patient. They have been patient with you. Let it out and cry and support your spouse as they scream “WHY?!” and just respond, “I don’t know but I love you so much.” Talk to a professional and please don’t blame yourself or your loved ones. Please don’t drink, don’t do drugs, don’t have sex with strangers, don’t hit your children, don’t take pills and don’t take so many pills, that you become one more of that murderer’s victims.
For the friends, be a good ear. Make them laugh. Pray with them. Go to them with your problems every once in a while. Sometimes they will feel good to help someone else but don’t compare your problems to theirs. Bring their favorite food over, get them to exercise and dance a bit and hug them.
“I don’t know but I love you so much.”
Let them cry on your shoulder till every one of your shirts are stained in a mixture of tears, mascara and sweat. And when they scream “Why?!” say, “I don’t know but I love you so much.”
For the government, we couldn’t have received a better message of what happens when guns are not available to mentally disturbed people than when in China, a crazy man attempted to do the same thing with a knife, resulting in a very different outcome. Yes, twenty three families suffered at the hand of an insane person but his victims lived and for that we are grateful. The second amendment was created before automatic weapons or atom bombs for that matter. There is no way that the murderer could have done the same damage with our forefather’s muskets, hunting rifles or a basic handgun. My point is this, I know we all would trade all the bombs and guns on earth for the lives of Charlotte, Daniel, Rachel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Dawn, Madeleine, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Anne, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Lauren, Mary, Victoria, Ben and Allison.”
Nadia Wit comes from an artistic family in Santa Barbara. She is an actress in Los Angeles having performed in comedy clubs, regional theater and small parts in television and film. Her parents, David and Nadereh Sugich, hand make kaleidoscopes and her father also sings and writes songs.
Photograph of Memorial Of Unborn Children by Martin Hudack of Slovokia by Patti Ramos