Move LifeStyle

Move LifeStyle

Modern Manners: Don’t ‘Make an Appearance’

Q: No matter what, it seems like every year the holiday parties I get invited to are all on the same night. Is it okay to go to more than one party on the same night? I also have friends I’m not super close with who always want to get together during the holidays when I hardly have any spare time. How do you say no without hurting someone’s feelings?

Holiday parties are something I look forward to each year, even more so than the holidays themselves. Several of my friends throw parties each year, but sadly, it’s impossible to attend each one. The month of December offers just a handful of weekend nights ideal for entertaining, which usually results in overlapping events. Although you may be tempted to party-hop the night away, resist the urge. I don’t recommend ‘making an appearance.’

Opt to hit parties that are likely to have many of your friends in attendance, and treat them as a mass catch-up session. This might also eliminate requests for coffee dates from people you’ve not seen all year, those who you can’t (or don’t really want to) squeeze into your busy December schedule.  Decline those invites from not-so-close co-workers or acquaintances by telling the host that although you’d love to attend, you’ve previously accepted an invitation for an engagement the same evening. Thank them graciously for the invitation and wish them a happy holiday season. And of course, be sure to RSVP to each invitation no later than the “reply by” date.

Don’t party-hop, stop and party! Why you shouldn’t ‘make an appearance’ at multiple parties:
  •  Cutting out early and/or showing up (more than fashionably) late leaves you with the task doling out at least two apologies: one to announce your early departure, and one to explain your very delayed arrival.
  • Don’t be a clock-watcher like the blond below, waiting for the perfect opportunity to make your escape. You’ll be too distracted to fully enjoy yourself, and the other guests will notice you’re preoccupied, too. Instead, settle in and catch up with the crowd. Don’t cut conversations short in hopes of making a more timely arrival at your next destination.
  • Party-hopping gives off the impression that you have better places to be, more important people to see. If there is somewhere you’d rather be, just go there in the first place. No party host should be made to feel like their event is second on your list.
Images Via: Paperless Post | X-Ray Delta One | Formal Fringe

Modern Manners has the answers to your etiquette uncertainties. Have a specific question? Please ask Ashley in the the comments below, send an email to askashley[at]movelifestyle[dot]com or send a tweet to @movelifestyle with the hashtag #MoveAskAsh.

Author Description

Ashley Fauset

Ashley is a party planner, grammar enthusiast, classically trained dancer, and coffee aficionado. She lives in Los Angeles with her musician husband and their hammy four-year-old, and shares her tales of mama-hood at Silver Lake Mom. You can find her online on Twitter | Pinterest | Instagram

  • Autumn Reeser
    I love this quote: “Party-hopping gives off the impression that you have better places to be, more important people to see. If there is somewhere you’d rather be, just go there in the first place.” Such great advice!
    • AshleyFauset
      Thanks, Autumn. Guests shouldn’t feel like they’re doing the host a favor by dropping in on their party. Just go where you want to be and enjoy!
  • Overit
    Agreed. I am in the process of planning a Holiday Party and the funny thing I was requested by some of these people to do so because I plan such great parties. Now only 1/2 or less have RSVPed. The others have multiple parties to go to, some say they can’t get a sitter even though I gave over a months notice and the rest have given a yes but depending on xyz. How am I supposed to plan tomorrow nights party? I had food, games, prizes, a cocktail of the night etc. and am now sitting here thinking about cancelling. I have had it. People are so rude. I am beginning to see that it is always the same people who plan parties and the rest just attend. They attendees do nothing themselves and I believe this is why they are so rude. They have no idea what it takes to plan a party. The thought, time and money involved. They are self indulgent and I am over it. You want a party, plan it yourself! Out!
    • AshleyFauset
      I’m sorry to hear you’re amid such frustration! I absolutely know how you feel, and I think you’re spot on with your comment about those who host and those who attend. It’s impossible to understand the time, effort and money that goes into hosting an event until you host one yourself. I say still throw your party. You don’t want to disappoint those who were kind enough to reply “yes,” and you’re likely to feel better if you go through with it. Canceling may make you more frustrated. I hope you get some solid replies from your invited guests. And even if it’s just you and a handful of besties, it may turn out be the best party you’ve ever had. Cheers!


Move LifeStyle is an e-zine for the modern working woman created by Autumn Reeser, Jenn Wong and Ashley Fauset.

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